Coming back was hard. On certain days it still is, even all these many years later. Having to learn to want to live is not something most people consider. It is difficult- the darkness that we carry, the demons that we have to make home with inside of us, the ones we treat with to learn their names to take away their power.
Category Archives: Suicide Prevention Awareness Stories
Continuing the Conversation
It doesn’t only affect military personnel or Veterans. It includes everyone, from first responders to the normal average person. It breaks my fucking heart, if I am going to be honest. It never really gets easier to process. The sadness and sorrow from the loss, aches with us for a lifetime.
If I Could Say One More Thing…
When my plane landed, my mom had a phone full of missed calls and voicemails. He had taken his own life. The one person whom I felt could truly empathize with me was gone. It’s hard to not think of what I could have said or done differently, a weight that I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life.
Not Alone
Recently death spoke to me in a dream. All this time I thought that the end was something to be feared. Instead, the Reaper showed me that death is a motivator for life. Death is a reminder to live. No matter how hard it gets, I am grateful to be alive every damn day.
I Will Never Tap
There was a very low point not too long ago where I contemplated punching the time clock. It was dark and seemed inescapable. Suicide is not an option for me. As much as I wanted to quit, there is something there that will not allow me to tap out. I will never tap.
An Open Letter to My Brother Who Committed Suicide
I believed you when you said that your last time in rehab was the last time. I suppose in a way it was. I dreamt of the day you were sober and healthy enough to come to my sports games. I imagined telling you all about high school and the advice you’d give me about boys, about life. But those days never came. Instead, you got home from rehab, for the last time, and killed yourself. You never even said goodbye.
One More Try
I think about it often, thinking that I wish we all would have known or acted upon finding her real help. Not the “help” she thought she was getting from alcohol, drugs, or lust. What saddens me the most is the time I have lost with her, and that time has continued to push on. Time is not forgiving and will wait for no one. Since then, I have gotten married, graduated college, bought a house, and many other significant life moments. I have thought of her every step of the way. What saddens me the most is I wish I could go back and tell her to just give it One. More. Try.